As Anna marveled at the vast starry sky, she didn’t know that as high as she was gazing that particular night, her Heavenly Father would be operating just as deep within her heart to draw out the pain and redeem her disoriented soul. She was lost. Not literally, she was very aware she was in New Zeeland studying abroad. She was lost in confusion, not knowing who her 20-year-old self was.
Anna Rose Tennesen was born April 26, 1987. She was the fourth child out of six. Her brother was the oldest, she had two older sisters and her twin sisters came after her. Her dad was an extremely hard-working painter who took pride in running his business and vowed to make a better life for his children than what he had been given. In his efforts, he provided financially and tried to create a sense of family by investing additional time and energy into the family cottage. Anna’s mom also vowed to make a life better for her family than what she had as a child. She was a stay-at-home mom who managed the household and the six kids. Although Anna’s parents provided for their children in a lot of ways and gave them many great memories, they were unable to provide for the nurturing of their hearts due to their own orphaned hearts. Anna’s parents were both new Christians. They made sure to get the kids to church, taught them the stories from the Bible and attended Bible study. These things were the reason Anna wanted Jesus to come into her heart at the early age of seven. Yet, due to her parents both having unhealthy upbringings, Anna realizes she was “that” family, who looked good from the outside but inside the home were a lot of dysfunctions. She would often lay awake at night to the sound of arguing and slamming doors. Confusion set into Anna’s heart.
Anna was left with a sense of feeling emotionally abandoned and often felt as if she needed to handle life on her own. Anna says, “I had a very charismatic personality as a young kid and was adored by other families, so I soaked up that affirmation and spent as much time as possible outside of the home.” Anna developed a fascination to be thin. This stemmed from seeing her parent’s marital problems and was left to interpret the root cause. She saw her mother struggle with weight her whole life and her dad was naturally a very thin man. Anna confesses, “I thought my dad didn’t love my mom because of her flaws and her weight, so I became obsessed with body image.” Anna’s confusion led her to believe that being thin would ensure a man would love her. This became an eating disorder, and she would struggle with it for a very long time. Rather than making herself throw up she would purge her calories through excessive exercise. Staying busy was Anna’s coping technique. She strived for excellency in high school, she was in extracurricular activities and sports. On the weekends she partied to get drunk. Her life was becoming more and more of a blur. Added to that were the pictures she and her sister found on her dad’s computer. Rather than confronting him or telling someone, they brushed it under the rug. Anna continued to stumble along in the muddle.
UW-Lacrosse would become her home away from home and naturally she would sign up for The National Guard. Anna loved her time in college and the military experience for everything that it taught her. During her time in college, she received a letter from her dad. It had stated that he had been unfaithful with other men. He wrote to say he was sorry, repentant and that he wanted to change. Anna can remember crying alone in her room. Nobody around her knew what she was going through but she was ok with that. She tells me, “I grew up never experiencing going to someone else for advice, so bringing other people into my pain was not even on the radar for me. I went on performing and achieving like normal.”
Anna’s study abroad experience brings us to the night under the stars. At this point in her life, she would consider herself agnostic, neither claiming faith nor disbelief in God. Yet as she gazed at the splendor of the stars, something became clear to her. She not only knew, but she felt the world being so much bigger than her and her problems. This realization would be the first mark of where her creator would perform tender surgery.
So, Anna read books about Budha and Sidhartha. She said, “I started to grapple with the emptiness of life and ultimately decided to just try to be a good person. I started to drink less. I was doing amazing bucket list activities like sky diving, bungee jumping, all sorts of adventurous activities, and yet I remember faking my happiness.”
Upon returning home, Anna was invited along on a mission trip to Mexico with her sisters. With no good reason not to go, except for the fear of other’s recognizing her disbelief, she went along for the ride. While Anna had been sitting around with a group. One of the husband’s brought his wife her morning cup of coffee. After handing her the cup, he softly kissed his wife’s forehead. Anna witnessed a kind of simplistic love that she had craved to experience. As vast as the clear starry night to a sweet intimate kiss, Anna knew it was God showing her it was Him she had been looking for. Just as the Psalmist says, in Psalm 8: 3-4 “When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers- the moon and the stars you set in place-What mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them.”
As vast as the clear starry night to a sweet intimate kiss, Anna knew it was God showing her it was Him she had been looking for.
Anna started to read the Bible and as she says, “find out who this Jesus guy really was.” He would begin to change her confusion to clarity. It was becoming clear to her that “Jesus was actually cool and most other people, including Christians kinda suck.” Anna explains she needed to know Jesus for herself. People are going to fall short and screw up. We all sin and we all hurt each other, Christian or not. But Jesus loves unselfishly. Jesus says, in the book of Isaiah, “come to me all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest.” We are not a burden to Him; He graciously takes on our burdens. We are His precious children. Our filth, baggage, thoughts, feelings; He sees it all and still says, “come to me.” He sees it all and points to us and proudly declares, she is mine.
With the foundation Anna had already had from growing up in the church, she knew she needed to give up her unhealthy habits both spiritually and physically. Living a drunken lifestyle was not going to get Anna what she was looking for. Rather than escaping the pain, she knew she needed to bring it to her Savior. Honestly speaking Anna admits, “I wanted a God I could go to one hour a week and not have accountability the rest of the week.” But she understood that relationship with Christ was not just being a good person and attending service once a week. She refers back to Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- His good, pleasing and perfect will.” So, with all of Anna’s grit and determination, she would do as Luke says in chapter 9 verse 23. She would “pick up her cross and follow Him.” Picking up her cross at this point in her life was choosing a sober lifestyle. Because she wanted to follow Jesus, wanted her mind to be transformed and wanted to see God’s goodness.
As Anna’s college years were winding down. She not only found Jesus again but she had found a wonderful Christian man who came from a great Christian family. One who checked all the boxes. After a month of graduating, Anna was deployed to Iraq. While in Iraq Anna was a chaplain’s assistant. She says she felt the Lord’s protection while she was serving and even had a lot of fun. Part of her job was cheering people up and encouraging others spiritually. This was right up Anna’s alley. While on leave, Anna’s boyfriend proposed to her on top of a mountain in Alaska. Her response was a great big…… “Sure, why not” and with that she was engaged.
Anna returned to Iraq. During deployment there were so many care packages, which made it easy for her to start binge eating. As she compulsively ate, she later learned, that she was stuffing her feelings of anxiety. She was reaching burn out as a chaplain’s assistant and burn out trying to please other people. One in particular person was the man she was about to marry. You see, her binge eating wasn’t due to gluttony but was coming from the root of feeling out of control and not feeling like she had a say. She was starting to realize that she loved the man she had said, “sure, why not” to but she was not in love with him. This led her to another night under the stars, this time it was in Kuwait. As she walked along under the vast starry sky, she felt a sweet intimate kiss in the realization that she didn’t need to rush into marriage, nor did she need to marry this man. And she finally realized she really didn’t want to get married.
The tender surgeon began to do His work and started with the first incision. Anna’s decision to call off the wedding spiraled into a number of people being upset with her. Anna’s people pleasing heart was in so much pain. Unprocessed pain from the past and pain from disappointing people she loved. During this time, Anna’s disordered eating got out of control. She says, “food would stuff my emotions and exercise was my way to control my body. If I could ensure I had a good physique, then I could control my worth to others.” After arriving back home, she did what she had always done and tried to keep busy. Thankfully God used that for her good and directed her to take a class at church. It is there she would learn about her people pleasing tendencies and how they end up hurting people in the long run, like her ex-fiancé. This was also the point that she says, “I realized I woke up every morning thinking about how fat I was.” And for the first time, she would get help. The incision cut a bit deeper, this was a dark, lonely road. Due to overexercising, her body was so inflamed that she could no longer exercise. She couldn’t control her eating; she wasn’t in the service and she wasn’t getting married. She didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life and she was living with her parents. She admits that during this time she struggled with her relationship with Christ and lost trust in Him. Yet, in time that trust would rebuild and she would start to see how God was right there all along. And she recognized she had growing to do. Again, Anna’s God given grit and determination would “pick up her cross.” Anna realized the freedom from her addictive cycle of disordered eating would only come from facing the pain and hurt from her childhood. Later on, Anna was able to ask her dad if the reason he didn’t love her mom was because of her physique. His response was an absolute no. And went on to explain that the relationship was complicated. But it had nothing to do with her weight. Anna now understands so many people’s body images are based on past lies. Lies that are so engrained into our beings that only by the grace of God can the truth be revealed.
While Anna was in the process of healing, she would reunite with an old family friend. Michael was also in the process of his own healing. Michael was coming out of an unhealthy lifestyle and the choices he had made caught up with him. Michael was a cop. Anna says, “in his depravity he turned to girls and unhealthy relationships and eventually was consensually involved with an underage girl.” He was very aware of his sin and had a repentant heart. A year of healing after Anna and Michael were reunited and seeing each other humbly work through pain and their pasts with their eyes on the Lord led to them dating. They dated for a year before Michael was sentenced to three years in prison.
The work of the surgeon was not done. Anna was now a prison girlfriend. Anna and Michael both continued to pray. Anna was seeking God’s will for her life. Did God really want her to be with Michael? Some Christian friends questioned the relationship and she lost other friends because of it. He clearly didn’t mark all the boxes of being the perfect guy like her ex-fiancé did. Anna persisted in faith. She knew it would get hard. One night she had a vivid dream she married a different man. That man looked perfect on the outside. But then, Michael’s picture appeared. She realized if she broke up with Michael, she would continue to look for “a Michael.” But God placed “a Michael” right in front of her. Her heart was his. This doesn’t mean Anna didn’t have to wrestle with God a bit, she brought her frustration to God. Why would He give her someone she truly loved, only for him to be taken away? As she continued to look to the Lord. She got her answer and it will stick with her for eternity. “People good and bad were not meant to be God. I found what I didn’t want and I found what I wanted…..but even that wasn’t enough. Michael is great but he isn’t God. Let God be God.” And Anna realized through all her searching only God can redeem her emotionally abandoned heart. And only God can turn confusion to clarity. Only God can put the stars and moon in place and only God can know her like a sweet intimate kiss.
Anna and Michael’s relationship grew through prison walls. They both confronted their pasts. They went through pre-marital counseling while Michael was incarcerated. With much prayer they decided to get married when Michael got out. Michael was released early due to good behavior and within days Anna and Michael were married. They now have three beautiful children. Anna says, “while growing, our family has led to many ups and downs, God has showed up in such amazing ways. Showing me that He is indeed in the mountains and valleys of life.”
And Anna realized through all her searching only God can redeem her emotionally abandoned heart. And only God can turn confusion to clarity. Only God can put the stars and moon in place and only God can know her like a sweet intimate kiss.
While it wasn’t easy and still has its challenges, Anna knows she has overcome the obstacles she faced along the way through confronting her past. She believes she wouldn’t have gotten to this point in her journey of health if it weren’t for asking the hard questions, learning about her tendencies and most importantly understanding God’s abundant grace. By understanding God’s unconditional love, she is able to give it to others. Anna tells me she has so much respect for her parents. Because they too have had to rise. They chose to stay true to their vows and love for better or worse. They chose to teach their kids about Jesus and they choose Jesus to this day. They are active in their grandkids lives and continue to give what they have. Anna, Michael and Anna’s parents had to rise and climb, which is the name of her podcast. Rise and Climb is Anna’s platform where she shares stories to help others overcome their hardships. She feels called to use her gift of encouragement and her own painful experiences to help others face their hardships. To see their struggles in life as a gift to be better equipped to help serve others in love.
Please feel free to contact Anna with any questions, to talk or for prayer.
Instagram: @riseandclimbpodcast
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email: Annarbrayton@gmail.com
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A very special thank you to Anna for allowing me to write her story and for a new friendship! I am honored that she said yes to sharing her story here. Thank you to Kali Vande Hey at Kali Marie Photography for continuing to give her time and gifts to this special mission. Thank you to Kristin Vorel for giving her time and talent with hair and make-up. Thank you to everyone who watched the kids on photoshoot day! Thank you for all the prayers while this story was in the process and even still. Thank you to my husband, Scott who continues to support me and serve so humbly as I take time away from the house and family to meet, write and for photoshoot morning.
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